Sunday, March 16, 2014


I have sent several emails (limited to 1500 characters) to Ellen and I recently spent a hefty amount to send my letter via UPS to her show. I figured that she would get it when she gets it but now I am in a bit more of a time crunch...a really big time crunch. I did my nails and printed water slide nail decals to hopefully get her attention.

The reason why this has become urgent...Two days after someone named "King" from her show signed for the letter I found out that one of the people I had been writing about is going to be on her show this week! 

I will share my letter with you if things work out here is some excerpts of the letter just so you can get an idea.

 I have had so many emotions while writing it and I have grown as a person.  Every waking moment this has been in my mind, and I have thought many times; if nothing comes out of this, how am I going to feel? Ellen has helped so many people provided them with experiences that they never thought possible. I watch her show every day as soon as it becomes available on the CTV Canada website. She can help ordinary people like myself achieve what seems impossible. I have no idea how else to go about doing this...   

 I am trying to make my dream come true.  With every ounce of my being I need to have the chance to meet the cast of Glee and watch the production of an episode.  I need this experience to heal my soul and meet the people that helped me. To watch the production of something so powerful that changed my life. I know there are probably so many other people out there that feel as I do but this is my ONLY focus and has been for almost a year. This is the only dream I have.  I have been told thousands of times and ways never to give up.  I need help to share my story and to help me with getting my story to the producers of Glee as I am lost on how to do so on my own. 

As you know from reading my blog I have been dealing with a severe anxiety disorder for several years and it has been so bad that I was housebound and every simple little thing in life became a struggle. From there I developed a severe depression because I was seeing all my dreams becoming more impossible to reach. I had been fighting for so long with doctors, and treatment centers, medication that caused me to gain weight that I felt I just didn't want to fight anymore. When I was at my worst I came across the TV show Glee and sat and watched the first two seasons. Being numb at that point from the medications, I was caught off guard that my heart felt like it was going to explode and I got that feeling where it felt like time had stopped. Anyone that has suffered from anxiety knows that a panic attack can feel like a heart attack and at the time I thought that was what was happening. Time passes by and I was trying to figure out why this show had such a big impact to me emotionally and finally just over a year ago I realized why. 

   I love to sing and music really touches me on a deep level. I always thought that life should have songs to go along with all of its moments. I have always wanted to be involved with music but I wanted  to be involved with helping people. and until I watched glee I never put the two together. Glee is a fictional TV show but the messages they put out help so many people with topics that people feel like they are having to deal with alone.  I realized that I wanted to help people with music.

I started doing research and knew that I had to be well enough to make anything happen. This has made me come huge leaps and bounds and I can honestly say that this saved my life. 

I have the determination to do anything. It will take a lot of dedication and support but I will do it. There is not enough support out there and I want to be able to give this gift to other people. I want to develop a music program, to be implemented in schools, hospitals and treatment centers, to help people that are struggling with addiction, mental health, and to help youth get though the difficult teenage years.  I believe this can help with self-image, respect for self and others, addictions, mental health, and acceptance.  

I believe a bigger impact can be made by someone that has been through difficulties, someone that really knows what they are going through and someone that can give hope based on personal experience.  I have been where it seemed there was no hope, no one that understood.   I know how frustrating it is to get effective treatment.  I have the passion and dedication to do this and I will.  I think that with the right approach, there can be a change, maybe at first it will be small but I believe it will grow. I want to create a program across Canada and someday, expand this to the United States using music as therapy.  Music touches everyone’s soul.  I really believe music in all different forms can help so many people.  I believe that if an effective way is found to help deal with their inner issues then maybe there would be a decrease in bullying substance abuse and abusive behavior I’m not saying that this will help everyone but if I can help one person then my life has had a purpose.  Music can be expressed through art, singing, meditation, playing an instrument, acting and the list can go on. Music touches everyone in some way in every situation throughout life.  It can open one’s eyes, give hope, help heal and countless other reasons. Despite the percentages of the population suffering from mental health illness, society is still uneducated and people are left hopeless and without proper and effective treatment.  There is ignorance from those who just don’t understand or perhaps have personal issues of their own.  

From personal experiences and talking to others, seeing others around me, I really do believe that addiction and substance abuse, bullying, abuse towards others and so many other negative actions, result from problems that are left untreated, not treated properly or ignored.  People live and react to life based on what they have learned. Yet the proper focus in my opinion isn't given to find the core of the problem. Can you imagine how society could change if the effort was given to make that difference? 

I will continue with my plans without meeting anyone or having my own dream come true. I would have a void of my dream left un-fulfilled, unfinished and feel like my goal hadn't been met, my work not fully done. I wouldn't be able to use myself as a full example to others.  I know that I can reach out to more people having my dreams fulfilled. I hope that I can get my story and plans out with  the hopes that someone that can make this happen would come forward and help with this huge plan.  I want to show others that have lost hope that life can turn around, that dreams can come true for anyone. I want to be an example of this. 

Without Glee I would have never found my purpose, my strength and a renewed sense of hope. I just want to meet the people that have changed my life and thank them. I want to see in action the making of what changed my life. To experience the energy and passion the whole Glee crew put forth, without a doubt changing a life with each episode they create.  I honestly don’t know where I would be without them.   The cast has done a powerful job with their acting and I know that they all are amazing people off screen as well It is because of my Husband and Glee I have come such a long way in recovery and why I cannot give up on this dream.

It is good to dream. People who have followed their dreams and have been “dreamers” have done some great things and made an impact to society in some way. If dreams didn't come true or if dreams were not pursued where would we be? We wouldn't have hope or motivation or a purpose.  It is the ones that don’t give up on their dreams that go on to do great things. In my heart I know this is what I need to experience to not only feed my soul but to use all this to help others. If my dreams can come true with everything I have been through then I know my story WILL help others.

Today I am both sober from Drugs and Alcohol for just over 7 years. I believe because of the lifestyle I was living and problems left untreated I am as a result picking up the pieces of me that shattered 7 years ago and dealing with the consequences today.  I have been living with a severe anxiety disorder that has completely debilitated my quality of life and it is something that has forced me to build my life from the ground up. I am learning who I am all over again. Through it all I decided not to let my past define who I am. I hope to help people that have been through what I have and to encourage people no matter how bad things can get, your life can change for the better.  

With the blessing of Lea Michele and those closest to him, I would like to dedicate all my work honor of Cory Monteith. I wouldn't feel right doing so unless I have their blessing. If they decline I still in my heart will be doing this in his honor. 

Please share this so it gets Ellen's attention and if you would like the full letter let me know and I will be happy to share it with you via email. Thanks everyone.